Discussion is Not Always Helpful
During a transaction, at the first sign of trouble, move communications to writing, preferably email. Trouble can take any form. Examples: Hostile, aggressive, prickly, or belligerent counterparts. Writing is also a good way to deal with the scripts discussed earlier. Discussion is not always helpful; if necessary, shut it down.
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We talked about scripts in the Broker Section. But you may be surprised to learn that the script-readers will even attempt to use their scripted nonsense on other brokers. I have no idea how successful they are with this charade on other brokers, but personally I have no patience for it.
So how do I deal with it? I stop taking their phone calls.
Scripts work best in a conversation (well a scripted exchange). So in person or on the phone. And while discussions are the easiest way to conduct real estate business and move transactions forward, the whole thing, all of it, can be dealt with via email. These days I would add, cautious use of texting. I say cautious because texting is more conversational.
The first thing to note about email and texting is it becomes perfectly easy to set the pace. You cannot easily halt or delay a phone conversation, but by golly, emails and texts only transmit if and when you hit send. But of course the greatest benefit of this approach is you are denying the script-reader the control that they so desperately seek.
Having a conversation with these people is not helpful or productive. So just don’t. Oh, you will most often continue to get voice mails, and you can hear the frustration in their voice. Frustration that they are not in control. But just respond with another email or text. Or don’t.
Now some people seem to believe that the negotiation process is a battle. A game or competition of aggression. And the most combative side will win. Aggressive as in rude and belligerent, sometimes even with a bit of shouting. I am not sure, and it certainly does not matter, if these people really are inherently rude or if it is just a game they are playing, or a role they are assuming. Either way, it’s fine. Remember, they may have something you want. So just walking away is not always an option.
Remain calm, and again, stop taking their phone calls. Move all responses to email and text. While the rudeness may well continue in written form, you will certainly be setting the pace and more likely be in control. It will drive them crazy. But you stay calm and in control and continue moving the process forward.
We once dealt with a broker who was quite rude and belligerent. So after moving all discussion to written form, he threatened us: You will either take my phone calls or I will report you to the Real Estate Commission. I guess he felt that it was his right to be rude. But one other nice thing about moving conversations to written form is that they are now recorded and documented. I am not saying that the rudeness will stop. But I am saying that there is now a record of it, should you ever need it.
Further, as we discussed in our chapter Always Be Nice, there does seem to be a correlation between nice and smart. Many of the jerks make mistakes. So watch for them, protect your interests, and now you’ll have a record if needed.
Of course this strategy works for any number of bad actors with bad attitudes. Some people are hostile. Yes, even while they supposedly want to make a deal. We get prickly and whiny and passive-aggressive and overly anxious. Know-it-alls, yup can work with them too. It is just a good all-around strategy for dealing with troublemakers and mischief of any kind.