Always Be Nice
Always be nice. I don't care if you are a world class reprobate, being nice is a proven negotiating tactic. Save your bad temper for the paperwork.
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Buying or selling a home is different from buying or selling a rental property as an investment. For investment property, either the numbers work or they don’t; it’s rare to be exercised about it, much less emotional.
A home is different. A home is family and memories. Hopes and dreams. Aspiration and status and pride. Convenience and warmth and safety. Lifestyle. Even identity. A whole host of things beyond a simple black and white Profit and Loss Statement.
And it is important, even vital, to understand these attributes. What we are buying or selling goes beyond the building. It is the structure plus all of these intangibles.
So yes, emotions can run high. People can become angry or wistful or envious. And I guess that is natural. I am not here to tell you: Don’t be emotional. Because perhaps that is unreasonable. But the fact is, emotions aside, we do want to get the best deal we can.
So even if you are angry or sad, do yourself a favor, and be nice. Because you will get a better deal for yourself if you are, or at least appear to be, nice and reasonable and calm. Certainly never voice your anger. If the other side says something, or does something, or proposes something, that makes you angry. Stop. Remain calm. Do not respond with an angry phone call or email. No response is better than an angry response. And besides, most often, whatever it is that makes you angry, does not, in fact, require a response at all.
But what if the other side is not nice? Yeah, we see this. While there are no hard and fast rules, I will let you in on something I have noticed over the years. There is a positive correlation between nice and smart. Or turn it around, a positive correlation between not very nice and not very clever; between rude and stupid. And often between rude and unprepared.
Even if someone is not very nice at heart, if he is at all clever, by golly, he has learned how to act nice. It is really only stupid people who never learn this lesson. So if someone is rude, that tells you a great deal about who you are dealing with.
So if someone is not nice, fine. It’s all fine.
You will probably get a better deal. And you will not feel bad about taking advantage of their stupidity and unpreparedness.
Now do we need to talk about those few people who are rude and smart? Sure, I’ve met some. We all have. But they are so few and far between, I am not sure they merit a lot of thought. But if they have something you want, you may need to deal with them. Decide if it’s worth it, and then just be prepared. Even with these types, I still find that I do best when I stay nice and keep calm. There is no point in escalating the rudeness. So if it is worth pursuing, keep your cool. Otherwise, just drop it and move on. We’ll have more on this in our chapter on Difficult People.
But one note about this type of rudeness. Since these people are not stupid, where does their rudeness originate? Well, it’s an entitlement. These people are smarter or richer or better educated or speak with an Oxbridge accent. Or whatever. However they define it, they somehow believe that they are superior to you. And therefore, they are entitled to be rude to you. Otherwise, they simply would not be.
But notice the presumption here: These people may be smart, but they presume that they are smarter than you. Generally they are not. But even if they are, you can make up for it with experience and preparation. Since they don’t expect it of you, often they are not properly prepared themselves. If they choose to underestimate you, hey, that’s on them.
And really, this only applies to smart. Because if they are entitled to be rude because of their wealth or education, we are back to rude and stupid.
Enough rambling; you get the point.